My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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