Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
