that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
