Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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