Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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