Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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