It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm really busy with my period
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