guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
