I cockslap morals
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
