it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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