why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
