she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am one with the molecules
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
