thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
