mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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