I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
