Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
