Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
