if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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