If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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