I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
