so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
