I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
