Sry I called you an 8
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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