I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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