I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
