Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
