He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
