And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
