Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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