Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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