Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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