I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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