I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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