Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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