I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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