I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
