I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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