She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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