I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
