pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
