i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
