I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
