He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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