It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
