if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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