I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
