How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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