just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
