I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
