He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
