Dual....:-)
honey bunches of taint.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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