I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
