Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
